if i had my way we'd never close our eyes
by Lunar Wings
Summary: [Mortal AU, Solangelo main] "This is exactly how I wanted to spend my Friday night: getting dragged to a gay dance club by two women - one of which is my sister and the other who might as well be - both of whom are in committed relationships, and both of whom are set on scoring me some ass 'cause I haven't gotten laid since before my freshman year. Right. Sounds like a blast."
1. forget about the sunrise

**A/N:** Hey y'all. Sol isn't dead, not by a long shot, but chapter 9 just doesn't want to be written right now. So I thought I'd post this instead - it's something I work on whenever I wanna break away from the seriousness of Sol in favor of crude sexual humor and shameless shipping. This is a mortal AU, and everyone here is college/university age. Pairings are Solangelo mainly, but also Percabeth, Jasiper, Frazel, Cecilou, and mild Jercy/Pipabeth. SO YEAH.

also this was supposed to be a one-shot but it completely got away from me because I'm hot garbage

Anyway. Content warning for explicit language, and probably mild sexual content later on. Specifically for this chapter: sexual harassment and graphic descriptions of anxiety. Keep yourselves safe.

* * *

"Just for the record, let it be known that I hate you both."

"We love you too, Neeks!"

"Yeah, you love me so much that you're making me stand outside, in the cold, in a long-ass line to get inside a gay club that almost certainly has entirely too many people inside of it for my liking; also the music is so loud that we could hear it from a block away. Yeah. I feel the love, Hazel."

"It's not a _gay club_ , Nico, Elysium is open to all genders and sexualities."

"Oh, pardon me," Nico drawled sardonically as he hung his head backwards, "I meant to say 'the most popular nightclub in one of the most LGBT-friendly areas in Manhattan'. Thanks for the clarification, Reyna, _really_."

Reyna simply shook her head and placed her hands on his shoulders. "Trust me, you're going to have fun. I know you're nervous right now, but Nico, you _need this_." She gave him a gentle shake, forcing him to look her in the eyes. "You've been cooped up in your apartment for weeks, _hermano_. Jason doesn't think you've said more than ten words to him since the new year."

Nico tugged at his sleeve, averting his eyes. "I've been _busy_ , Reyna. I have so many projects due, and I can't afford to waste time like this…"

Reyna pursed her lips in concern, letting go of Nico's shoulders at the sound of her ringtone. Retrieving her phone from her purse, she glanced toward their other companion. "Hazel, reason with him while I take this call," she said before stepping out of the line and walking down the sidewalk.

As his half-sister came into view in front of him, Nico let out an exasperated sigh. "You gonna try and convince me that this _isn't_ a terrible idea? 'Cause you're gonna need a hell of a good argument."

Hazel's golden eyes were full of worry as she gazed up at him. "Nico, please. We're worried about you - all of us are. You're overworking yourself, you're not sleeping well, and-" she gripped him by his bony wrist, "you're barely taking care of yourself. We've all noticed how engrossed in your art projects you've been, and you've been working yourself sick..."

Nico simply stared down at her as she spoke, bringing his free hand up to push it through his hair. "You act like I don't already know this," he replied softly, "I _know_ I haven't been eating or sleeping well. I'm not an idiot."

"I didn't say you were-"

"I just…" He bit his lip, wrapping his arms around himself. "My coursework is all I know how to do right now, okay? I'm working on a _portfolio_ and it's helping me cope. It distracts me, it helps take my mind off of the depression. Being able to create things like this is what's keeping me sane, Hazel."

Hazel pursed her lips and reached up to cup his face in her hands, gently stroking his cheek as he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. "Don't get me wrong, I'm glad you've found this kind of distraction. I know everything's been so hard on you lately… but you just get so _immersed_ in 'creating' that you're destroying yourself in the process."

"Which just makes me want to create even more. I know how unhealthy it is, believe me. But I don't know how to break this cycle, Hazel, I really don't."

Heaving a sigh, Hazel leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. "You just need a _break_ , Nico. It'll be so good for you to loosen up, have some fun, meet a cute guy, _anything._ Your projects will still be there tomorrow, I promise."

"She's absolutely right," Reyna said as she rejoined them. "You need a night of fun and drinks and relaxing. Besides, you didn't do anything for your birthday, did you? Consider this a belated celebration."

Nico brought an arm up to drape it over Hazel's shoulders, looking between his two companions. "There's no use in arguing it, is there."

"Nope," Hazel replied, offering him a warm smile.

With his two favorite ladies giving him such fond expressions and words of encouragement, he found his resolve cracking. "Alright, I'll _try_ to have a good time. Loosen up, have some drinks, or whatever."

"You forgot meeting a cute guy," Reyna replied with a wink. "Don't worry, I happen to be an _excellent_ wingman."

Hazel enthusiastically nodded in response and gave him a quick squeeze before letting go. "If she can manage to get _Leo_ a date, then there's plenty of hope for you!"

Nico rolled his eyes as they finally approached the doors of the club. "This is exactly how I wanted to spend my Friday night: getting dragged to a gay dance club by two women - one of which is my _sister_ and the other who might as well be - both of whom are in committed relationships, and both of whom are set on scoring me some ass 'cause I haven't gotten laid since before my freshman year. Right. Sounds like a blast."

"That's the spirit, Neeks!" Hazel grinned, taking him by the arm. "Now come on. We've got a surprise for you."

* * *

Unsurprisingly, being a Friday night, Elysium was completely packed.

Hard techno music pulsed through the entire two-story complex as the trio slowly made their way around the crowded dance floor. Between the artificial fog and the array of lasers and spotlights illuminating the main area, Nico could already feel a headache coming on, his whole body throbbing in time to the music. Why had he agreed to this, again? The atmosphere was the complete opposite of everything he was used to. He still wasn't convinced that he'd have anything resembling a good time - the anxiety was already starting to bubble up in the pit of his stomach as they finally broke away into a less crowded area.

With firm grips on both of his arms, Hazel and Reyna led him up a short flight of stairs into an elevated sitting area with large booths and tables. He barely had a second to scan the area before a familiar voice got his attention.

"Hey, there he is!"

The second Nico looked up, he was swept into a crushing hug by Percy Jackson.

He felt the two girls leave his sides as he tried to assess what was happening. " _Percy?_ What the fuck-"

"'M glad I called Reyna just now, we seriously thought you were gonna bail, man," Percy replied, pulling back to grip Nico by the shoulders instead. "After all the hard work we put into getting this party ready for you, too!"

"Party? What-" Standing on his tiptoes, Nico looked over Percy's shoulder at the full booth behind him. In addition to Hazel and Reyna, seated there was the rest of their group of friends - Annabeth, Leo, Frank, Jason, and Piper. The booth itself was decorated with a few black balloons, and on the table was a large platter of _cannoli_ surrounded by more than a couple of bottles of liquor.

Realization dawned upon him, and he couldn't stop the smile tugging at his lips as Percy led him to the table. " _You fuckers!_ You seriously did all this for me? Tell me whose idea this was so I can beat the shit out of them," Nico exclaimed as he exchanged excited handshakes with the others.

"Blame your roommate," Piper said, nudging Jason with her elbow. "He's the evil mastermind, we're just his cronies."

Jason grinned and slid out of the booth, wrapping Nico in such a strong hug that he was actually lifted off of the ground. Between Jason and Percy, Nico was starting to feel a bit like a deflating balloon. "Son of a bitch, Grace, this was _your idea_? I thought you had a date with Piper tonight, you ass!" he squeaked out as he was sat back down on the floor.

"Nah, that was just my cover story," Jason replied with a smirk, patting him on the back. "But dude. Bro. You've been stressing yourself out so much that I had to call in an intervention. Please don't kill me, college has totally drained my funeral funds."

Nico grinned and shook his head. "Nah, man, it's cool. I really do appreciate it. Thank you, all of you."

As Jason pulled away from him, he found himself accosted by Leo instead. "Aww yeah, we got a belated b-day for Nico-d-A," he chirped, pressing a paper crown, exquisitely embellished with the Burger King insignia, down onto Nico's head.

"Valdez, that was terrible, and you should be ashamed of yourself." Nico adjusted the paper crown as he waved Leo off, sliding into the booth next to Frank. "So, what, we just got _cannoli_ and booze, or?"

"We brought a couple of games," Frank replied as he scooted over to make room for him, "since we figured you weren't much for dancing. Leo has Cards Against Humanity, and before the night is over, you and me are having a Mythomagic duel."

" _Awesome_." Maybe this night wouldn't be so bad after all. Nico had to hand it to his friends - whenever they did something for each other, they definitely went all-out with it. He shot a grateful look to both Hazel and Reyna, now thoroughly convinced that everything would be worth it.

A couple rounds of shots and several cannolis later ("Oh my gods, I'm going to marry whoever made these," Nico said around a mouthful of cream. "Piper and I did! We tried to find an 'authentic' recipe, I hope they're alright," Annabeth replied with a smile. "I am sooooo straight for both of you right now."), Nico was actually feeling pretty relaxed.

So much that he remembered that his head was pounding.

"I gotta take a time-out," he said, sliding out of the booth, "where are the bathrooms in this place?" Translation from di-Angelese: _I need to step out for some fresh air because holy shit this place is loud and I'm a little overwhelmed, I love you guys but I want to love you from a distance right now._

"Other side of the dance floor, down that way," Reyna responded, pointing him in the correct direction. "Need someone to come with you?"

Nico shook his head. "Nah, I'll be alright. Be back in a minute." And with that, he slipped out of the sitting area and onto the main floor of the club.

Now that he was by himself, he could feel how massive the place was - and almost every square inch was was occupied by a body. Being careful not to touch anyone, which was more difficult than he'd anticipated, he slowly wove through the crowd, taking advantage of every gap he could squeeze himself into.

Despite the small buzz he had going from the few shots he'd taken, he could feel the bubble of dread settling in his stomach again.

Oh.

Somehow, he'd managed to wedge himself onto the dance floor, and now he was completely surrounded by gyrating bodies. Girls in crop tops and short shorts - even in _January_ \- and boys of all shapes and sizes wielding glow sticks and making out _way_ too close to him. Elbows jabbing into his sides, hips rubbing up against his own, entire bodies stumbling into him without so much as an apology.

No no _no_.

His whole body was starting to heat up from the proximity, and the volume of the music was doing very little to help his headache. A wave of dizziness crashed over him as he desperately tried to weave through the crowd, his calls of "excuse me" going completely unheard. Pulling his leather jacket tighter around him, he swallowed the lump in his throat and did his best to make himself as small as possible until finally, _finally_ , the edge of the crowd was within reach.

 _Thank the gods,_ Nico thought, _I'm safe._

He quickly changed his mind when he felt a pair of hands on his hips.

The next thing he knew, he was being pulled back against a tall dark-haired man wearing nothing but white. "Mmm, look at you, with your fancy little crown," the man crooned in a deep voice, turning Nico around to face him. "Come now, little prince, let Eros show you a good time."

Oh _no_.

He could feel the panic attack begin to set in like molten glass flowing into his lungs as 'Eros' - that couldn't be his real name - aggressively gripped Nico's ass and gyrated his hips, grinding against him. "Fuck off and let me go," Nico gasped, pushing against the taller man as hard as he could.

Try as he might, he just didn't have the strength to combat Eros' vice grip. "Aww, you don't want to dance with me?" One hand left Nico's ass to fist in his hair instead. "Too late. You've already captivated me, _your Highness_."

Nico's breath came in quick, ragged gasps as he struggled against his captor, clawing at Eros' hands and arms, kicking wherever his legs could reach. He tried to call for help, but between his panicked breathing and dry throat, he couldn't even rasp loud enough to be heard over the music.

No no no _no no no no_.

He felt like his body was going to burn to a crisp; the bile started to rise in his throat as his head was pulled backward, a warm, wet tongue trailing along his neck. He barely had any idea of what was happening anymore - his vision was tunneling, edges starting to go black as the dizziness and lack of oxygen started overcoming him. He _had_ to get out of there, had to get somewhere safe, had to get away from this man before…

In the midst of his panic attack, Nico found himself roughly pulled away from Eros and into a pair of warm arms.

"Dude, back the fuck off," someone called out from behind him. He didn't recognize the voice, especially since everything sounded murky and distant, as if he were underwater. But out of everything going on around him, three things stood out in particular: the arms encircling him, the drying trail of saliva up his neck, and his desperate need to _breathe_.

He was only vaguely aware of Eros' reply. "Tch, out to ruin my fun again, Solace? You don't have to be so jealous all the time, I know you want me but the clingy girlfriend act is getting old."

"First of all, I'd rather eat broken glass than fuck you." One arm left Nico's body to threateningly point in Eros' direction. "And secondly, I'm only gonna tell you this once, asshole: touch him again and I'll _personally_ make sure that the next time you see your own dick, it'll be chopped off and shoved down your throat. Got it, fuckface?"

"Ugh, whatever. Take your little gothy twink and fuck off, he's not even that hot anyway."

Nico lifted his head to see a tanned arm flipping Eros the bird, and then he found himself being gently led away and pulled out of the crowd. His own pulse was throbbing so loudly in his head that he failed to hear his savior address him; all he could do was tightly grip the stranger's sweatshirt and lean forward, burying his face in the orange fabric in front of him.

He could tell the stranger was speaking again - "hyperventilating", "fresh air" - and then he was walking, a comforting arm draped around his shoulders. It seemed like it happened in a matter of seconds: a blast of cold air hit him, and then he was being lowered down into a chair.

Instantly, he felt his mind start to clear up.

"Okay, I'm going to need you to breathe with me." One hand clasped Nico's shoulder, and he felt another reach underneath his chin, gingerly lifting his head.

Despite already being out of breath, he felt it hitch in his throat the instant he saw the stranger's face.

In front of him was easily one of the most gorgeous men Nico had seen in a long time: constellations of freckles sprinkled across tanned skin, honey-blond hair framing his face in soft waves, and the clearest blue eyes Nico had ever seen in his life. It was like he was looking into the afternoon sky on a summer day, and this man in front of him was the sun itself. The man's obnoxiously orange hoodie only fed that analogy even more, with its yellow sun shape emblazoned on the front.

"Hey," the guy snapped his fingers in front of Nico's face, "you with me, man?"

Nico blinked and promptly pulled himself out of his reverie, only to have the events of the last fifteen minutes come crashing back down on him. "I-" The crowded dance floor, unfamiliar bodies relentlessly crashing into his own. Eros, the way he'd touched Nico, the way he'd spoken to him. "I- oh my god- I _can't_ -"

He wrapped his arms around himself as he doubled over in his chair, feeling the panic start to rise again.

"Whoa, whoa, hey!" The blond gripped both of Nico's shoulders and slowly pushed him back up. "Shh, it's okay, you're safe now, you're going to be okay. _Breathe_. Here, watch me."

He took one of Nico's quivering hands in his own and placed it against the sun shape on his hoodie. Nico's first instinct was to push away, but the calm blue eyes that met his quickly made him drop that thought.

"Okay, breathe in real deep, through the nose," Nico felt the stranger's chest rise with his demonstration, "hold for a few seconds, then sigh it out. C'mon, do it with me. In…"

Nico drew in deep, shaky breaths, following along with the blond. Sure enough, after a few of these breathing sequences, he felt the dizziness begin to fade, and his nerves gradually started to settle.

"Good, that's it, you're doing great," the blond murmured as he rubbed slow circles into Nico's back. There was something so compelling about this man's voice that Nico found it difficult to disagree with; it was soft and warm, like actual sunlight. "This is the 'stress breath'," he continued, "it's really useful in these kinds of situations."

When Nico was finally able to regulate his breathing, he heaved a deep sigh and buried his face in his hands, rubbing at his tired eyes. "Good _gods_ …"

The blond bent down, as if he were trying to meet Nico's gaze. "You alright...?"

Dropping his hands, Nico leaned back into the chair, staring up at the night sky above him. "That was the fucking _worst_. Who the hell _was_ that guy?"

Before the stranger could answer, a pair of people - a short, built brunet and a woman with purple hair - approached where they were sitting. "Everything okay, Will? What happened?" The woman asked.

The blond - Will - made a noise of disgust and turned to her. "Eros happened, Lou. That should say enough. Cecil, mind grabbing some water for this guy, please?"

The short guy, Cecil, nodded and headed back inside the club as the woman called Lou pulled a chair over next to Nico's. "Gross. Fuckin' scumbag."

With the arrival of the other two, Nico had tensed up a bit; the last thing he wanted was more people crowding around him while he was already feeling overwhelmed. But still, he was curious. "Yeah, what's that guy's deal?"

Lou turned to answer him with a roll of her eyes. "Okay, so, Eros - that's not even his real fuckin' name, it's like, Eugene or something. But he comes in _eeeevery weekend_ lookin' to score some hot young ass. Girls, guys, in-between, or none at all - it doesn't matter to him, he'll perv on anyone he can get his disgusting hands on. He's fuckin' creepy as hell. And all three of us have had to deal with him at some point."

"Ugh, don't remind me," Will groaned, finally removing his hand from Nico's back and raking it through his hair. "Last time he kept sneaking up on me and trying to grind on my ass."

"To be fair, your ass is pretty amazing. Very grind-able."

"True, but still. Didn't he grab your tits once?"

"Yes, and they're nice tits so I can't blame him, but I still decked him in the fuckin' jaw."

Nico scowled, a shudder running through his body. "Gods, what a douchebag."

"Yeah, it's a wonder they haven't banned him from the place yet," Will commented, crossing his arms. "I've tried telling the owners like a million times not to let his sleazy ass in 'cause literally _all he does_ is drink a lot and hit on people half his age."

Lou nodded in agreement, meeting Nico's eyes. "It's 'cause his mom owns the place or some shit, I dunno. That's the popular rumor. Anyway, my friend Will here is like, actual Gay Jesus-"

"Pan Jesus, technically."

"-and goes around cockblockin' Eros whenever he sees him botherin' someone. He's like a fuckin' _legend_ in this club."

Will scoffed, shaking his head. "That's overstating it, Lou. I just… I don't like seeing him do that to people. It's sexual harassment. I just try to do the right thing and intervene before someone gets hurt, you know?"

Nico turned to look at Will as he spoke, his own gaze boring into the other's, looking, searching. There was nothing but sincerity and compassion in those blue eyes of his, and Nico might've felt his heart melt just a little. "So… I guess I should thank you, then?"

Will shrugged and started to reply when Cecil came back with a small glass of water. "Here ya go," he said, handing it to Nico, "drink up, cool yourself down."

Nico gratefully took the water and sipped on it, the refreshing coldness soothing his throat muscles. He let out another long sigh after downing half the glass. "This is _not_ my night. Didn't even really want to come."

He could feel Will's eyes on him, looking him over. "Yeah, you don't look like someone who'd hang out here a lot. It's not goth enough." Nico shot him a glare, only to be met with a cheeky smirk in response. "So? What brings you to Elysium tonight, ah…?"

"Nico. And I'm only here because my sisters thought it'd be fun to drag me out of my apartment so that my asshole friends could surpr- _shit,_ my friends!" He suddenly stood up, setting his half-empty glass on a nearby table. "I said I was going to the _bathroom_ , they probably think I bailed on them. Fuck."

The other three quickly exchanged glances with each other before standing up themselves. "Well, hey," Cecil offered, "we can walk ya back if you want."

Lou nodded, patting Nico on the back. "Yeah, that way if we run into Eros again then he'll know to fuck off."

"I…" Nico took a moment to weigh his options: walking back through the immensely crowded club with an extra three people on his back and possibly running into that _douchelord_ again, versus his friends being mad at him for potentially skipping out on his own birthday party. The choice was pretty obvious here. "Yeah, okay. I'd appreciate that."


	2. fight the sleep in your eyes

Fortunately, the trek back to the rest of the group was nowhere near as bad as Nico had anticipated. He had his sides flanked by Will and Lou, while Cecil - with his small stature and big voice - managed to help clear the way for them as Nico pointed out where his friends were all sitting.

They did spy Eros back on the dance floor. Nico anxiously looked up at Will, but the blond wrapped a protective arm around Nico's shoulders and tugged him close, shooting Eros the finger again. On his other side, Lou fired off double birds and danced in place with a wide grin, taunting the bastard until he gave up and disappeared back into the crowd.

Nico couldn't be sure if the heat rising to his face was because of Eros' glare or the fact that Will's arm was still around him.

Unsurprisingly, he received some mixed reactions when they finally reached the table.

"Dude, we were about to send out a search party, man!"

"We thought you'd finally ran off and left us!"

"Nico, I texted you but you didn't respond, I was getting worried!"

"Holy shit, Solace, is that you?"

That last question was the only one Nico was interested in fielding - as soon as his friends noticed the three extra people accompanying him, their faces flashed with recognition. "Wait, you guys know him?"

"Dude, he goes to Olympus U with us," Percy replied, getting up to greet Will with a bro-hug. "Pre-med, yeah? You've probably seen him in the infirmary or some shit."

"Yeah man, he was my roommate all through freshman year," Leo added, giving Will a playful punch in the arm. "Great guy. We seriously didn't introduce you two? Damn, we dropped the ball!"

Will grinned sheepishly and rubbed at the back of his neck. "Nice seeing you guys. I know Piper and Reyna are here a lot, but what about all you _straight folk,_ what's y'all's excuse?"

"Well, we were _trying_ to give di Angelo here a birthday party, but then he up and vanished on us. I swear he's like a ninja, or a ghost or something," Jason answered, pulling over a few chairs from an empty table.

"Dude, it's your _birthday?_ " Cecil asked, clapping Nico on the back. "That explains the goofy crown."

Nico, meanwhile, had his face buried in his hands. "Actually, it was last week," he replied, lifting his head, "and I was perfectly fine with it passing by with no incident. My asshole roommate fucked that up, though. Thanks for that, Grace." He pulled the paper crown off of his head and tugged it down onto Jason's instead, making sure to dislodge the blond's glasses in the process.

"Love you too, Neeks."

"That's not the first time I've heard that tonight."

"Well, what are you guys standing around for?" Percy asked, motioning to the extra chairs. "Sit down and party with us!"

As it turned out, it seemed like mostly everyone knew the three new additions in some capacity. Will knew Percy and Annabeth from patching up a rather nasty arm wound for the latter the year before; Frank had taken an archery class with him; he'd met Jason, Piper, and Reyna through Leo. Lou Ellen - or just Lou, as she preferred - frequented the same coven as Hazel did, and Cecil was generally well-known around their university for participating in the campus-wide pranks of the infamous Stoll brothers. Nico was honestly shocked that he hadn't met the three of them until now.

 _That's what I get for being a hermit,_ he thought to himself.

Before long, everyone was drinking and laughing and generally having a good time. Nico was amazed at how quickly he bonded with Will, Cecil, and Lou - then again, the booze may have had something to do with that. He wasn't complaining, though: Will had managed to squeeze himself into the already overcrowded booth next to him, and the close proximity was doing some pretty interesting things to his body.

Will had shed his orange hoodie and tied it around his waist instead, and thanks to the black tank top he wore underneath, Nico could very easily take in the curves of his broad shoulders, the multitude of freckles reaching all the way from his neck to his upper back to his arms, the angles of his collarbones and jawline. It was all Nico could do to not flat-out stare at the blond. But their bodies were pressed so close, their hips and thighs and shoulders; it was so hard to ignore the blinding smiles and the sheer _warmth_ radiating off of him.

TL;DR Will Solace was _unfairly hot_ and Nico was definitely having a Problem with it. (A delightfully sexy problem that a small part of Nico hoped would be _resolved_ before the night was over with, but a problem nonetheless.)

Before Nico's internal monologue could carry him in the more scandalous direction, fingers snapped in his face again and he turned to glare at Jason on his other side. " _What?_ "

"It's your turn, dude," Jason replied, gesturing to the stack of black cards in the middle of the table.

"Yeah, stop eye-fucking Solace and draw a card already," Percy quipped from his spot, safely across the table from Nico.

Nico hoped his patented Death Glare™ would be enough to offset the obvious blush on his face. "Fuck you, Jackson," he shot as he drew a card.

Percy's smirk could only be considered diabolical. "Thought I wasn't your type~"

"Annabeth, please hit him for me."

"With pleasure."

"Oww! C'mon, it was just a joke!"

" _Anyway_ ," Nico continued as he held the card up, desperate to move on from _that_ topic. "Oh, _fuck me running_ , it had to be this one. Okay. 'Help me, doctor, I've got _blank_ in my butt.' I swear to the _gods_ if any of you play that stupid 'pooping back and forth forever' card I will gnaw the cartilage from your ankles. That means you, Valdez."

" _Damnit!_ "

Nico simply rolled his eyes at Leo's reaction as he sat back and waited for the others to pass their cards to him. He looked across the table at Percy again, only to see his sea-green eyes shifting between him and Will.

Percy opened his mouth to speak.

"One word out of that mouth, Jackson, and I will actually stick my dick in it. Don't think that I won't."

Percy closed his mouth.

As cards started being handed off to him, he caught a few mumbles about 'not having anything good' and 'throwaway cards'. He also happened to notice Percy exchanging Suspicious Glances with Piper. Judging by the sly grin on her face, it seemed like she had caught on to whatever ESP Percy was sending her way, and Nico narrowed his eyes at them. He knew those expressions well: it meant they were planning on _meddling_ and Nico wasn't sure if he was okay with this.

Just when he had started thinking about how to murder Percy Jackson while making it look like an accident, Will passed him his card and winked.

Nico completely forgot about his Italian mob scheme.

"Ooookay," he choked out once he received all eleven white cards; he shuffled them thoroughly and started reading them out, placing them down on the table as he went. "'Help me, doctor, I've got _blank_ in my butt'... A death ray. My boyfriend's stupid penis. Oh _gods_." He could feel his face going redder and redder with every card. "A Super Soaker full of cat pee. Filling a man's anus with concrete _whatthefuck_. A buttload of candy. Pooping back and- _Valdez, I fucking told you_ -"

"It wasn't me, _amigo_ , I swear!" Leo protested, holding his hands up in defense.

Nico groaned and hung his head before reading off the rest of the cards. "Owls, the perfect predator. _Grandma_. Home video of Oprah sobbing into a Lean Cuisine. Waiting 'til marriage, nice one, Hazel. An erection that lasts longer than four hours. Holy fucking _shit_ , you guys."

The others' laughter had grown progressively louder with every card he read off. By the end of it, Hazel was rapidly fanning her face, Frank looked extremely uncomfortable, and Jason was shooting his Big Brother Look around the table.

"So, when did we start playing Cards Against Nico's Innocence?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"The second we started drinking, Grace," Reyna helpfully supplied.

"As if I had any innocence left to begin with." Nico let his head fall down to the table. "Shit, I actually have to pick a card now." Sitting back up, he reached for an open bottle of tequila and took a long drink from it, not even bothering to pour it into his glass. "Alright, let's see…"

It took him a moment to narrow the cards down, but eventually he made a decision. "An erection that lasts longer than four hours. Because if you actually _can_ last for four hours, then I have a... _proposition_ for you."

He glanced around the table in search of the culprit. An obviously faked cough came from his right side.

Nico felt his ears burning as he turned to face the man next to him. "Yeah, hi, that was mine," Will confessed, a sheepish grin on his face.

" _Oh my god._ "

"Speaking from experience there, Solace?" Leo asked, waggling his eyebrows.

Will simply smirked in response - _oh dear gods,_ Nico thought, _please don't do that it's too hot I can't handle it_ \- and rested his chin in a hand. "I dunno, Valdez, you roomed with me for two semesters, and the walls of our apartment were _pretty thin_. You tell me."

As Leo flushed and sputtered in response, Will shot Nico a sidelong glance, that smirk of his still plastered on his face.

Nico's face heated up as he looked away. As he passed his black card to Will, he had to make a serious effort to cross his legs as inconspicuously as possible. _Gods_ , he needed more liquor, he definitely wasn't drunk enough for awkward boners yet.

The rest of the game played out in a similar fashion. Of all people, _Annabeth_ ended up winning, probably because she knew exactly how to play to everyone's interests. That or she was just psychic. Nico decided to go with the latter; he was drunk, he didn't have to explain the logic there.

He'd just knocked back the last of the shots on the platter when Piper suddenly leaned over Jason to tap him on the arm. "Nico, I'm gonna order some more shots, come with me!" she said, an excited smile on her face.

"Why do I need to go?" he retorted, urging Will to let him out of the booth anyway.

"Um, _duuuuh_ , you're the birthday boy so you get to pick 'em out," she shot back, crawling over Jason's lap in the process.

" _Ow_ , Pipes, you just got me in the junk!" Jason choked out from behind her.

She simply waved off his complaint, looping her free arm around Nico's waist. "Sorry, babe, I'll kiss it better later! But yeah, we'll be right back!"

Nico draped an arm around Piper's shoulders for support as the two of them made their way toward the nearest in-house bar. "I really don't know what kind of shots to get," he admitted as they carefully maneuvered down a short flight of stairs. "I mean, I was cool with whatever we had at the table."

"It's okay, I gotcha, Neeks. You like buttery nipples, right?"

"Yeah, who doesn't?"

"So I'll just get a bunch of those, no biggie!" She giggled and patted his back affectionately. "Actually, I had an ulterior motive, I wanted to talk to you about something and didn't want everyone else sticking their nosy butts in."

Nico squinted over at Piper. Her outline was starting to blur the tiniest bit - he was no lightweight, but he'd had quite a lot to drink already. For the most part, he was still pretty lucid, but he could feel his inhibitions flying out the window with each passing moment. "Like what?"

"How long has it been since you've gotten laid, again?"

If he were sober, he'd be sputtering incoherently at her _very_ forward question. Fortunately, his word filter was pretty pisspoor at the moment, so he just snorted and shook his head instead. "Oh my god, _too fucking long_ ," he replied as they approached the bar. "Since like… shit, who was I dating senior year?"

"Malcolm?"

"Yeah, that guy. What was I even doing?"

"Desperately trying to get over Percy by dating his girlfriend's brother."

" _Fuuuuuuck_. Yeah, that's right. We broke it off 'cause I accidentally yelled Percy's name during sex."

He felt Piper cringe as she detached herself from his side so she could motion to the bartender. She took a moment to order their shots before turning back to him again. "Yeah, so, summer before college. Don't you think it's time to dip a toe back into the dating pool?"

Nico shrugged and leaned against the bar. "Meh. The 'dating pool' on campus is more like one of those blow-up kiddie pools that some little shit peed in. Most of the gay dudes I know are either taken or just looking for a cheap fuck."

"...You do realize where we are right now, don't you?"

"A huge-ass wave pool, but chances are someone's probably jerked off into the filters or something. Multiple times. And nobody's skimmed out all the leaves and dead bees."

"Nicooooooo," Piper groaned impatiently, hanging her head backward. "Okay, alright. What about Will? Percy wasn't kidding when he said you were eye-fucking him earlier, and he's _totally_ been lowkey flirting with you since he came to the table. He's hot, isn't he?"

"Are you kidding? I bet I could fry bacon on his ass. It should be _illegal_ to be that goddamn attractive."

"I know, right?! I'd touch his butt more than once. But that's where you come in," she briefly giggled at the double entendre, "you should totally go for it!"

"Dude, he saved my _life_ earlier, I should blow him just for that."

"God, Nico, I love you when you're drunk." Piper grinned and pressed a friendly kiss to his cheek before pulling back and raising an eyebrow at him. "Wait, what?"

"I was getting molested by this fucker in a white suit when I got lost trying to find the bathroom, and then Solace came and told him to choke on his own dick or something, then he took me outside to calm down from the panic attack and made Cecil go get me water. That means I should thank him by blowing him, right?"

She wrinkled her nose. "Ew, you met Eros?"

" _Yes_. You know him?"

"Yeah, he always tries to stick his face in my tits every time he sees me. And I'm like, sorry, only Jason gets to go motorboating at Boobs Lake. Also Annabeth. And Reyna. And you 'cause you're gay and don't care. But mostly Jason."

"I'm honored to be part of that small group of people. I mean, yeah, I'm one hundred percent homo, but I've passed out on your boobs before and they put me to sleep better than any medication I've been on."

"Awww, Neeks, that's so sweet!"

The bartender finally brought over a new tray of shots - which both Nico and Piper had to sample before heading back, of course. " _So anyway_ ," Piper continued, carefully balancing the tray as they walked, "I can't _believe_ you're only just meeting Will tonight. If I'd known that Leo hadn't introduced you two, I would've done it myself! How does that even _happen_?"

"He's a med student and I'm a recluse? Our schedules don't exactly line up."

"Okay, fair point, but _still_. You two would be so great together, honestly. He's _such_ a sweetheart, he's just a genuinely good person; I mean, he wants to be a doctor and _help people!_ And you know he basically patrols this club and tells creepers to fuck off, right?"

"So I've heard. So I've _experienced_."

"You should definitely blow him for that. Ask him to dance first though, better to start out small."

Nico flushed a bit and crossed his arms. "I'm not drunk enough for that."

"You're drunk enough to openly admit that you'd suck his dick, but not enough to _dance_ with him?"

"Listen, I have my priorities in order, okay?"

"You really _do_ need to get laid."

Nico simply huffed and rolled his eyes as they drew closer to their table. He wasn't sure if he was prepared to face Will again, now that the possibility of naughty things was fresh in his mind. He could easily picture himself trailing his fingertips across the blond's broad shoulders and down his chest, and then replacing his fingers with his lips…

No, he was not prepared at all.

He _definitely_ wasn't prepared to find Jason and Percy furiously making out upon arriving at said table. "What the hell, you guys started the party without me? No fair!"

"Relax, _hermano_ , they're just taking their game of Gay Chicken _way_ too far again," Reyna replied, filming the action on her phone.

Piper rolled her eyes and sat the tray of shots down on the table. "God, you two should just fuck already. You're cool with swinging, right, Annabeth?"

"Only if it's you, Pipes." The two women exchanged winks with each other, Annabeth waggling her eyebrows and Piper running her tongue across her lips.

"Nobody ever wants to play Gay Chicken with me," Nico complained with a pout, sliding back into the booth - conveniently, next to Will, who also had his phone focused on Jason and Percy. Almost everyone at the table did, he'd noticed - sans Hazel, who was too busy fanning herself and desperately trying to look anywhere _but_ at the two men, and Frank, who was probably watching cat videos on his own phone. So pure, the both of them, so precious.

Nico's thoughts screeched to a halt when the man next to him draped an arm over his shoulders, tugging him closer into his side. "It's okay, I'll play with you," Will replied, flashing a smirk at him, "if one of these assholes would give up already."

 _Gods_ , that sounded like such a good idea. Nico couldn't help but stare at Will's lips as he spoke, wondering how they'd feel pressed against his own lips, his jaw, his throat. _Nnnngh_. This was not only a test of his patience, but of his self-control as well: the urge to grab Will and drag him off to the nearest dark corner was almost overwhelming, but no. He had to play it cool. Start out small, like Piper had suggested.

"Man, you know it ain't gonna end until one of them reaches for the crown jewels," Leo replied from his perch on the back of the booth. As if on cue, Percy pulled away with a yelp and scooted as far into Annabeth as he could. "Aaaaaand the victory goes to Grace!"

A cheer went up as Jason triumphantly pumped his fists in the air, leaving Percy to whimper and clutch his crotch in defeat. "Annabeth, help. Let me touch your boob or something, I need to reassert my masculinity," he whined, Annabeth rolling her eyes beside him.

"Well, as 'fun' as _that_ was to watch," Frank suddenly cut in, rubbing at the back of his neck. He fixed his eyes on Nico, "do you have your deck with you?"

Nico grinned over at his sister's boyfriend and reached into the pocket of his leather jacket, thankful for the distraction from one (1) Will Solace. "Does Percy want Jason's dick?"


End file.
